Q: I went to Dark Odyssey Winter Fire, the big kink hotel takeover event in Washington, D.C., in February. There was one thing I saw there that is messing with my head, and I hope you can set me straight. There was this lovely little six-person orgy going on with two cute-as-could-be hippie girls and four older dudes. Then these four people came along. They sat and watched—a guy and three women in hijabs and dresses that went wrist to ankle, fully covered. After a while, one of the hippie girls turned to them and said, “I’d be happy to flog you later if you’d like.” The three women in hijab giggled. The whole scene was really sweet, but I just couldn’t get over these three women. I saw them walking around all night, taking it all in. Intellectually, I know there is no reason to think that conservative Islam is incompatible with kink. But my cultural biases make me feel that it is. Or is it possible that covering is their kink? What would you make of that? —Washington Kinkster Wondering
And when sex negativity, modesty, and religion mix it up, WKW, the part of our brain that grinds out kinks—precise location yet to be determined—kicks into high gear. That’s why there’s Mormon-undergarment porn out there and nun porn and hot-priest calendars for sale on sidewalks just outside Vatican City.
Q: I’m a 30-year-old woman in a long-term polyamorous relationship with a stellar guy. Our relationship began as extremely dom/sub, with me being the sub. My boyfriend and I began supercasually but quickly became serious partners. Now, six years later, I find having kinky sex with him challenging. We have a very deep, loving relationship, so my feelings get hurt when we engage in bondage and kink play. This is especially problematic because I still enjoy BDSM with folks I’m not dating. Basically, if I’m not in love with someone, it doesn’t hurt my feelings when they beat me and humiliate me. My boyfriend feels slighted, but I just don’t know what to do. Every time we play rough—the same way we had played for years—my feelings get hurt. Any thoughts? —She’s Hurting His Heart
A: Thanks for sharing. Not sure I believe a word you wrote, LISA, but it was an entertaining read. (OK, OK, some advice: Tell your wife the truth, i.e., you are not and have never been attracted to women, suggest redefining your marriage as a loving but companionate one, propose cuckolding as a way for you two to maintain a sexual connection, albeit one mediated through a third party. Good luck.) v
